Father’s Day & The Basics

Being honest, Father’s Day is somewhat lacking in comparison to Mother’s Day both in focus and expense. When I worked in restaurants in my early days of employment Mother’s Day was the biggest day of the year. Families would reserve spots in restaurants far in advance or they wouldn’t get a table. Father’s Day, on the other hand, was pretty much the same as any other day. If you look at stores that have things for Mother’s Day, they stock up early and do huge promotions whereas Father’s Day ….not so much.

From around the late 1800s to the present day the roles of fathers has been diminished considerably. One might think that was because mothers and women in general were not honored enough but, from my perspective, it is far more intentional than trying to balance our appreciation of both parents. I have stated in previous articles that men and their roles in the family and society has been downplayed for a more sinister reason.

When I grew up my father was ill equipped to be a good husband or father. I knew my father almost hated my grandfather yet my father still showed respect and honor to him because that was what he was taught to do in his culture and time period of life. I was amazed at how my dad would visit my grandfather weekly and do things for him even though my grandfather did not show kindness to my father when he was an only child. Culture has a way of influencing us even beyond reason or logic. I discovered that my grandfather told my father when he was a boy that he didn’t want him but only put up with him because of his wife’s love for my father. How should you feel growing up with such hardness from your father? I know I would have left home regardless of the cost. My father was a tough man. I don’t ever remember him telling me I ever did anything good enough and it cultivated great bitterness in my heart towards him. When I came to Christ I knew I had to forgive him and seek to honor him purely because was my father. I would love to tell you it was easy but it was not.  However, the more I acted on the principle of honor, regardless of my father’s track record, I started to develop a love for him that surprised even me. I didn’t always feel warm and emotional towards him but I did sense a love for him that was sacrificial both practically as well as emotionally.

So much of what we call honor or love for our parents is far less than what God designed the role of parents to carry. The family and the roles of fathers was meant to be foundational for every generation and meant to build unity and loyalty within the family unit.  Unfortunately, knowing how we ought to live and actually carrying it out is often a very different thing. Today, we give lip service to the topic of honor whether it’s to our parents or to any other authority.

Look what Jesus says to a man that answers a question correctly and yet Jesus doesn’t say he is where God intends him to be but rather that he is not far from the kingdom of God.

Mark 12:28-34 

One of the scribes came and heard them arguing, and recognizing that He had answered them well, asked Him, “What commandment is the foremost of all?” Jesus answered, “The foremost is, ‘HEAR, O ISRAEL! THE LORD OUR GOD IS ONE LORD; AND YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND, AND WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH.’ “The second is this, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” The scribe said to Him, “Right, Teacher; You have truly stated that HE IS ONE, AND THERE IS NO ONE ELSE BESIDES HIM; AND TO LOVE HIM WITH ALL THE HEART AND WITH ALL THE UNDERSTANDING AND WITH ALL THE STRENGTH, AND TO LOVE ONE’s NEIGHBOR AS HIMSELF, is much more than all burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

When Jesus saw that he had answered intelligently, He said to him, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” After that, no one would venture to ask Him any more questions.

Just knowing the right answer to Jesus’ question is not enough. We must put action to our beliefs or those beliefs are just ideas and not values. Ask yourself the hard questions about whether you belief are solid in your life. Are your acting on those beliefs and building upon their concepts and values?

James 2:14 

Dear brothers and sisters, what’s the use of saying you have faith if you don’t prove it by your actions? That kind of faith can’t save anyone. Suppose you see a brother or sister who needs food or clothing, and you say, “Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat well”—but then you don’t give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do?

¹⁷So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good deeds is no faith at all—it is dead and useless.

God tried to change the Israelite’s thinking once they came out of the bondage in Egypt. He told them they should honor their parents not because they did everything parents should do, but because they would be reinforcing the values of God in their families. In doing so their parents would feel valued and hopefully they would in turn care for their children. Our culture has downgraded fathers to the point that fathers are abandoning their families. When men don’t feel valued they leave.

Exodus 20:12 

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

Let me close with some helpful reflection. Honor your father regardless of how well or how poorly he fulfilled his fatherly responsibilities. The sacrificial act of honor will break the curse of disrespect in your children and hopefully in the generations to come.  If your father has done honorable things in your life, tell them. From my perspective, dad’s do not need another key chain or Hallmark card. They will be encouraged if you remember something specific he did that you appreciated.  That will motivate him to focus in directions like that in the future.

To all the fathers out there who have sacrificed for their kids – Thank you! Thank you for being men of character who didn’t always choose the easy way but instead the better way.

A man who curses his father … curses his own manhood.  If you want your children to honor you, model it by honoring your father on Father’s Day and all year long.

Happy Fathers Day!

Pastor Dale