Beauty-vs-Character

Our world is so enamored by appearance that real value in things or people often gets overlooked at best and rejected at worst. The culture of “Advertisement” has fooled us and stolen the perception of what’s most valuable.

When I was a kid, furniture was made out of solid wood. You paid a good deal for a dresser or bookshelf, but it was worth it. You knew it would last for many years, and you could pass it along to your kids or sell it for a good price.  Today, we have IKEA. Now I know many love this store, we actually have one about a half hour away from where I live in Charlotte, NC, but the furniture you buy there is not meant to be passed down to someone special, it’s meant to be street garbage for pick-up in just a few years – maybe! Why?  It’s made out of wood chips, not solid wood. Get water on it and it swells and falls apart. Lean or sit on it and often the pins drilled into the particle board will easily break out and the furniture collapses. I can’t tell you how many times I bought a particle wood piece and the pins broke out while putting it together!  To be honest, I own such furniture. Why?  I can’t afford, or rather I’m to cheap to pay for, real furniture made out of solid wood. Our generation would rather pay money for big screen TVs than buy quality furniture, me included. Furniture from companies like IKEA are often made in China, should I say more?

Here’s my point. We choose appearance over content. Sometime we are fooled, and sometimes we just want something now and as long as it last a few years we are happy. Our standards have changed from looking for quality to looking for a good deal. I love a deal but sometimes our deal is really junk.

Some things in life can be substituted for inexpensive above quality, like furniture. Did I tell you I have a mixture of cheap furniture and what I would define as good furniture? Nobody is perfect, and when it comes to furniture, well you get the point. But what about “Relationships“? Though we say we want quality relationships, is that really true? Are we willing to do whatever it takes to have great friendships and great spouses in marriage? Let me bring up a portion of Proverbs I’m sure many are familiar with.

Proverbs 31:10-12  “Easy -vs- Excellent””

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

When I came to Christ, I tried to continue the “Dating game” I had learned in school, and realized the whole process was really flawed. It sure wasn’t a kingdom thing. We date someone to see if they are “The One”, but we both are putting on a show of excellence, and in most cases, not the real you. We want to say the right things and do the right things to impress. So I decided I was not going to date any more, but wait on God to bring me the right person to marry or I would just be single for the rest of my life. I traveled a lot in the 70s, so people were always trying to match me up with a potential wife. I constantly said no, till finally a good friend said to me out of frustration, “What, do you want in a potential wife”? I responded with full conviction. “I want a woman who will love God more than she will ever love me.” My friend laughed at me, and started to draw other friends around to get them laughing over such a ridiculous thing, finishing off their fun with the statement, “Then you will never get married!”   I responded with “God is bigger than me and can provide, but if he doesn’t that is kind of woman I need and want.”  You see, I knew “Me”.   I’m not perfect and in order to stay married we both would need a greater motivation than emotional love, which most couples marry over.

Proverbs 31:25-28   “Strength & Dignity”

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future.  She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: 

Here is the thing. We look for someone who is beautiful or handsome, but these qualities were not worked for, but rather were given to them. These qualities, though desirable, are not going to last for anyone. Sooner or later our skin is going to sag. Our muscles are going to disappear, and our middle earth will be where everything settles! What we really want is a partner who will love us in spite of our shortcomings. They will love us when we look good and when we don’t. We need to desire, most of all, the quality of character and the inner person of the heart.

When I was introduced to my wife in California, before we were married, the Lord spoke to my heart that she was the one, so for the next year I watched how she treated people. I watched what she spent her time on, and what she invested her life for. I watched how she handled conflict and disappointment. I watched how she handled success and blessing. I did this for a whole year before I ever asked her out. The day I asked her to breakfast was the day I asked her to marry me. Funny thing, she said yes! Why? Because her faith was not about looking good as much as it was about God transforming her life and becoming a blessing to God and others. “Strength & Dignity” – When was the last time you heard that those qualities are what you look for in a potential partner?

Proverbs 31:30-31   “Charm & Beauty”

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.                Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

I have been married for nearly 40 years, and it’ not because I’m the best looking guy or the easiest one to live with, but because I found a good woman. A woman who is concerned about her heart most of all. Yes, she cares about her looks, but not at the expense of her character. Find this kind of woman and your marriage will last. I would say the same for looking for a husband. We have got to stop this foolishness of looking for the wrong qualities in people, whether it be a friend, business partner or spouse. Let the word of God lead you to look for the inner qualities of the heart and you won’t go wrong.

Questions:

Are you expecting the people in your life to be of the heart or just look good? God will help you straighten it out what values you have wrong and what values you need to get better.

Are you working on your heart and character or still just trying to fix how you look? God is the only one who can fix what needs to be fixed in you.

Appreciating my wife of nearly 40 years.

Pastor Dale