Helping men discover a meaningful relationship with God has always been a passion of mine, ever since finding Christ myself in 1969. So many of us men have grown up without good role models, let alone our fathers teaching us what it is to be a man. There are a lot of boys walking around in men’s bodies today.
I came across a book the other day, which I found very helpful in explaining why men are so confused and twisted inside, but also how to get straightened out in our thinking to finally find the life we were meant to live with God and others. The book is called “Fathered By God” by John Eldredge.
I have not always been a fan of John Eldridge, for a number of reasons, however this book I found exceptionally good. Maybe it’s where I am today in my walk with God, or maybe it’s just that this book is very good, either way its a great read especially the first part of the book. To be honest, the first few chapters ripped by heart open to some old wounds from my youth. Thank God for good writers and the Holy Spirit speaking.
Up till I was 10 years old, my grandparents were more my parents than my parents as both parents worked from morning till night, so my grandparents took care of me. By the time I was in 5th grade I had been in 5 different schools, so my need for solid friendship was poorly lacking. My father worked hard, but never had a complementary or encouraging word for me, so my relationship with him was very bad. I was so bad to the point by the time I reached into my teens I wished him dead for years before to coming to Christ and repenting to God and my father.
The reason I am disclosing all this, is to make a point that many a man have found himself wishing he was different, but not knowing how or even if its possible to change. John Eldredge helps the reader face his brokenness or his old wounds in order to let God heal and rebuild his life. Let me share just the beginning concepts of the book.
- Boys have a lot to learn in their journey to becoming men.
- He must be developed by his father and fellow men around him to be truly be healthy
- Masculinity is bestowed – in other words it’s learned through a company of men
- Becoming a man is not learned through other boys or even women – we are wired differently than women.
- Masculinity is a journey and not an event – I have seen ceremonies for boys at 13, but that doesn’t cut it.
- Boy are not mean to figure life out on their own – no matter how smart or talented we need to be taught.
Dt 11:19-21
“You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. 20“You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, 21so that your days and the days of your sons may be multiplied on the land which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens remainabove the earth.
The scriptures tell us how to teach our boy how to be men. It’s not for the boys to figure out, but for us as men and fathers to teach them. So what if your’e like me without a healthy father figure or healthy men to help you understand? God has made provision to get us on the right track and become healthy in spite of the lack of fathers and men, but the journey for boys like me will be rough and difficult. Shouldn’t we as men help boys avoid such a path?
Question
Who needs your help to become a man?
Do you need help getting straightened out as a man?
Read this book and if you’re a woman wanting to help your boy or man read this book!
Loving to learn with you.
Pastor Dale
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