Do You Choose Your Friends Wisely?

God designed us to have and desire good relationships with others but finding good friends can often be a challenge. Unfortunately, when we are young many parents don’t teach their kids what to look for in friends and so we tend to find or make friends based more on our geographical location rather than being selective about who we invite into our inner circle of relationships. Finding good friends can be a real challenge!

If you were like me when you were a kid, you picked friends based on where you lived or grew up so you could continue to be drawn to the same type of friends.  Of course, that could be problematic if the kids you hung around with were literally bigger fools than yourself. Remember, the scripture says “Foolishness” is bound up in the heart of child so I’m not trying to be harsh. Again, I’m not trying to be unkind but we all probably had some fools for friends.

Proverbs 22:15    Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child;   The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Secondly, if your parents were not people of faith, you learned to choose friends based on the same ethics and values as your parents. In my case, my parents were self centered and viewed anyone they associated with from a “What’s In It For Me” mentality. They taught me that appearances were more important than character or ethics.  I can’t blame them for how corrupt I turned out as a kid, but they certainly fueled my understanding of how the world and people operate and it wasn’t from a biblical mindset.

So, as Christians, how are we to choose our friendships now? The first thing is we should go to God’s word and discover what God says about building healthy relationships. In scriptures, there are over 925 references about how important the heart is to God and these are the type of people we should look out for in order to build healthy friendships. The problem is that it’s hard to see a person’s heart unless we know what to look for. One of the negative comments that scripture tells us is that the heart is often deceptive.

Jeremiah 17:9-10     The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? ¹⁰“I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind, Even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds.

One of the best places to start looking for good friends is look for people that demonstrate wisdom rather than foolishness in their conduct and behavior. By evaluating character before building a friendship we will avoid many hurtful pitfalls in choosing the right friend.  People who brag a lot and yet fail to show character quality like generosity, kindness, and honesty should be the type of person we steer clear from in selecting friendships. This doesn’t mean we totally avoid people like that but we shouldn’t build a close association with them either. Most people have been wounded by friends that they thought had integrity and character, only to find out they didn’t when tested during the trials of life that we experience.

A few passages of scripture talk about the people to avoid because they have no value for other people and tend to leave a wake of destruction behind them. I am amazed at how people develop friendships with such people and, even though they see them creating problems wherever they go, they refuse to let them go as friends and move on to healthier people. 

Proverbs 16:28      A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

Solomon gave excellent advice about being wise in decisions regarding friendship by looking ahead rather than just making choices on the run. If we stopped and reflected on the type of people that God says are healthy for us we would find God’s blessing, but not if we choose fools.

Proverbs 14:8       The wise look ahead to see what is coming, but fools deceive themselves.

Proverbs 12:26      The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 18:24    One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. 

Solomon clearly understood that the type of people we fellowship with will rub off on us for good or bad. Sometimes we think God is unfair with us or doesn’t love us because we don’t seem to be blessed as other Christians are.  However, if we evaluated why more carefully, it might be because our own values and principles are compromised because of the people we like to be around.

Proverbs 13:20      Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Paul the apostle, while writing on the importance of believing in the resurrection of Jesus, states that the people we have company with will affect us for good or bad. If the company we keep does not have God at the center of their lives then they influence us to live in the same ways and contaminate our own character and reasoning..

1 Corinthians 15:33      Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

I strongly believe having godly friends in our lives is essential to having the kind of life God intended for us yet so many miss out on God’s blessing because of the friendships we choose and the kind of friends we think we need. Having good Christian friends is essential to becoming the person you were designed by God to become. Good friends sharpen your ability to see the world as it is and apply the principles in God’s word to your life without becoming religious copycats. What do I mean by that? There are so many people who attend church and can quote scripture that don’t live what they preach. I went to one church when I was a young Christian where a person served as a head deacon. This man at church “seemed” good but when I talked to a friend who worked for him he said he cheats his customers like crazy. Good friends affect you well and bad friends affect you badly.

Proverbs 27:17      Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.

I have friendships from 36-45 years ago and these friends are still living for Jesus. You can have the same thing if you let the Holy Spirit and God’s word reveal to you who are the people are that you need in your life.

Lastly, let me say if you are not trying to a be a good friend to others you are going to attract the same type of person. If you want generous, kindhearted friends then you need to be that to the people you meet and God will create opportunities for you to find each other.

If you lack good friends who love God, pray for discernment in order to change who you are currently fellowshipping with and see the difference a good friend can make. 

Questions:

1) Are you currently building solid friendships or are you hanging around shallow people who practice self interest? If it is the latter, you need to change your values before you start looking for good friends. Practice putting God first in all you do (Pr 5-9)

2) Are you investing in other people for their good without looking for something in return? In order to build good friendships you must desire to invest in others.

Pastor Dale