When you give your life to Christ you lose some, if not all, of the friends you had in the world prior to your conversion because you choose to live for something other than yourself and the pleasures of this world. What we often don’t expect is losing friends afterwards, who are followers of Jesus as well. Losing Christian friends can happen because life is not static but always in motion and our relationships, even in Christ, can suffer because we change or our friend changes, both in biblical understanding and in the resolution of offenses.
The Christian life is not a place for the faint of heart or for those who don’t watch their hearts affections. I have found that the heart can be wounded by those we love the most because their offenses can hurt the deepest. All through scripture the people who wanted a strong, deep relationship with God would willingly pay the price of lost friendships because of their loyalties to God are most important to them. Disappointments in relationships, and even with family members, can and will happen. Even through Jesus said this would happen, the breaking of relationships still seems to surprise us.
Luke 14:26
“If you want to be my follower you must love me more than your own father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, more than your own life. Otherwise, you cannot be my disciple.
The real sad part is the compromise many professing Christians surrendered to because they love their friends more than their relationship with God. Testing in friendships cause us to be honest about what we truly value and what we just have an affection for.
Amos 3:3
Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?
The sad truth is that we are in a constant warfare in our lives against the evil forces of this world, even though at times it feels like we are at peace. It usually takes an open conflict with friends for people to realize that they have either compromised their beliefs or their friend, resulting in separation. If we stay with compromised people to keep the friendship going we surrender our beliefs and our faith becomes watered down, which compromises our walk with God. Conflict exposes our “Core Loyalties” and what those loyalties are made of. Sometimes it seems that our loyalties are just words and not the true principles that we thought we were building our friendships upon.
Most people don’t want to surrender friendships because we value friends but what if those friendships compromise who we want to be? What if instead of bringing value to our lives they corrupt who we want to be and who we think we are? Solid friendships should be founded on mutual respect and trust but if those friendships are compromised by us or others they do us more harm than good at our core. I have witnessed many solid believers compromised because they couldn’t let go of friends that either never really embraced our Christian values or never had them to begin with. Sometimes friends even abandon their walk with God for various reasons. One of the greatest threats to our core values is money or profit.
A great example of friendships being tested is with the apostle Paul who had a fellow believer as a close friend until they were both “SQUEEZED” in their souls by being put in prison for their faith. The high cost of following Christ came into full view and thus broke what they both thought was a solid friendship.
Demas, one of Paul’s close friends, seemed to be in lock step with Paul in sharing his faith yet there was a weakness in his life that was not yet manifest until prison exposed it. Paul included him when writing to the Colossian church, which was a huge honor and one that Paul trusted heavily upon until his imprisonment. It’s the tough seasons of life that reveal the depth or shallowness of our relationships. Sometimes that kind of exposure doesn’t manifest itself for years but God has a way of bringing about life events to help us see what is hidden in the soul when we only see our friends values and loyalties on the surface.
Colossians 4:14
Luke the beloved physician and Demas greet you.
It seems that Demas chose the world over his faith and abandoned Paul in his worst hour of need. What caused Demas to abandon Paul and compromise his faith seems to be the possible pain of prison and the loss of the pleasures of this world. Thus, they parted company. Paul wrote again about Demas and his compromise in order to warn others believers of their own potential harm in associating with him. Evidently, Demas didn’t just leave Paul in prison but left his faith as well because Paul warned other believers not to trust him any more.
2 Timothy 4:10
For Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world, and has departed for Thessalonica—Crescens for Galatia, Titus for Dalmatia.
Not until we are confronted with the option of taking a stand for faith or loving for this world do some people’s Christianity become compromised. It’s easy to say you love God when you’re in a comfortable church or with church friends but what about when you’re at work or in a secular social occasion? Confrontation and challenge always reveals our strengths or weaknesses.
The Greek verb used in the original passage of 2 Timothy implies that Demas had not merely left Paul but had left him standing alone. Demas had abandoned Paul in a time when a true friend would have stood firm. The apostle was in prison, facing a death sentence, and that’s when Demas chose to set sail for safer friendships. Undoubtedly, Paul was deeply let down by Demas. It’s never easy to see a friend or associate in whom you’ve placed your trust forsake you in the midst of hardship or trial. Yet, in the end, it’s better to know the truth about people than to be lied too. I would rather have my friendships tested because to base a friendship on a lie is worse than not having a friend in someone.
My mentor, Loren Cunningham of YWAM, stated long ago to a group of young missionaries that you don’t know what is in a “SPONGE” or person until you squeeze them. Again, we often don’t realize what is at the core of our being or our friends until we or they are squeezed through some trial or test. The pressure of “COST” often defines truth, which is the squeeze.
When we as believers are squeezed by this world either by temptation or pain, the truth of what we truly believe comes forth in living color. Unless we build our convictions with the word of God and the power of the Holy Spirit we will fold like a house of cards when the pressure comes our way.
How you prepare your soul for the time of being squeezed in life spiritually will determine if your faith will survive and be victorious. Don’t let circumstances dictate your values and the friends you keep but rather put your trust in the one who died to set you free and who never abandons you when you struggle with the trials of life. Don’t let circumstance squeeze out your trust in the Lord.
Will today be the day you dig deep in God or will you just hope for the best and suffer for such neglect?
Questions:
1) Have you had to choose between your faith and a close friend? Let God’s unfailing love envelop your soul and bring the healing that only he can bring ( Ps 119:76-77 )
2) Are you carrying the wounds of lost friendship with you into the future? If so, it will distort and compromise what God wants to do in you and for you. Jesus said if we abide in him we will discover the truth and it will set us free ( John 8:31-32 )
Loyalty in friends is hard to come by and easy to lose,
Pastor Dale
Thank You Dale