Everyone wants good friendships, that is unless they have been burnt or hurt by a past relationship. When relationships go bad or “South” as I like to refer to them, we can decide to give up on building new ones, put a shield around our hearts and just give up on building lasting friendships. We would rather have friendships at arms length because of the fear of being hurt again.
The truth is people who build close friendships almost certainly, at some point, will be tested in that relationship. Thus the potential to experience great pain. When you build deep connections with people there is always the potential of experiencing loss. The truth is we will eventually lose every person we build good friendships with; whether a spouse, a child or other person; because we all are destined to die in this life. Death causes great pain if there was also great love connected with that relationship.
So the question is why do we set ourselves up for such pain? The reason is because loving relationships make our lives richer and fuller. We could play it safe and insulate ourselves from such pain, but then we would starve ourselves from the very reason we live this life. We were made for relationship, and part of that package is pain as well as great joy.
When you read the prophecies about the coming Messiah it’s easy to skip over the definition of the type of person the Messiah would be: namely a man of sorrow. We tend to ignore this description of the Messiah because who would want to listen to a sad and wounded person who goes around just being bummed out? No one. The scripture I am referring to is in the book Isaiah.
Isaiah 53:3
He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
When you read this description of Jesus it’s easy to jump to conclusions about how he came across. This passage does not say he was a depressed person only that he experienced great pain and sadness. I think this refers to God experiencing great pain in his relationship with humanity, and in particular his closes friends in the twelve disciples.
Jesus was, and is, the total reflection of who our Heavenly Father is. One of the greatest events in the creation was man’s betrayal of his relationship with God in the book of Genesis. Although God provided for Adam and Eve a perfect life full of abundance they rejected his loving kindness for a lie. Satan lied about God’s intentions and words and they believed Satan, who provided nothing for them, in exchange for God’s loving kindness.
Scripture fully reveals the pain God felt over man’s rejection of his love when he was ready to flood the earth during Noah’s day.
Genesis 6:6
So the LORD was sorry he had ever made them. It broke his heart.
Jesus came to reveal in a tangible way the “Broken Heart of God,” and that is why Isaiah was given the prophecy of the Messiah 750 years before Jesus was born in Bethlehem. Although God experienced such great pain with humanity he still wanted to build new relationships should we desire friendship with God.
John 1:10-12
He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. He came to His own, and His own did not receive Him. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name.
When twelve disciples were chosen as Jesus closest friends he was setting himself up for potentially great pain. We all know of their betrayal when running from Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane. It wasn’t just Judas betraying their friendship with Jesus it was all the twelve. And yet Jesus willingly invested.
Matthew 26:36-38
Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
These twelve men, who had walked with Jesus for three and half years, would end up being the ones that wounded Jesus the most in Jesus’ greatest pain. That pain that Jesus was experiencing was multiplied because these were the men who should have stood by him. These twelve had experienced the best relationship on earth, yet in a brief moment of fear they threw it all away. These men who had experienced the power of God because of their relationship with Jesus: the power to heal the sick and cast out demons, now wounded the one who believed in them the most.
Mark 14:50
Then they all forsook Him and fled.
If one of our close friends betrays us the pain would be enormous, but to have twelve run from you at your darkest hour is unimaginable. Yet Jesus still chose to make them his closest friends on earth. Jesus saw the value in each one of them and would bring them into his life in spite of the risk of pain. Jesus chose to except the good with the bad in building close friendships. That is one of the reasons we see the value in who Jesus is. He loved even when it would cost him dearly. He sacrificed for the sake of others knowing that his Heavenly Father would cause good to come from building such intimate friendships.
As Christians, we often read and quote verses we feel will protect us from pain in life. Yet we all too often read into these verses something God is not trying to communicate. Verses like in the book of Romans that we believe protects us from harm. It does not really say what we think. Love didn’t shield the Father when he built a relationship with Adam & Eve, and it didn’t shield Jesus when he chose the twelve. Neither will it shield us from the pain of investing in others. What we can hold onto is the promise that our Heavenly Father will make our life’s investment in others pay off in the long run.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
The apostle Paul informs us that God will use all our experiences for a good if we abide in his loving purpose. Here is the kicker: if you don’t abide in the purposes of God things will not work out for your good or other people’s. There are so many promises of God that are tied to conditions of abiding in him and building good friendships.
No one starts a friendship and hopes to experience pain in it. No one has children with the hope of experiencing pain, but it often happens. We build relationships with others because we were created to experience and share love, just like our Heavenly Father and Jesus do. We build friendships because we embrace the purpose for which we were born, and in that design we embrace the belief that our investment in children and others will pay off in the end.
Don’t hold back your love from others because of the fear of pain. Pain is part of life and is inevitable. You can’t hide from it and you can’t run from it, but you can let it teach you the value of your investment, just like God has done and continues to do with all of us.
Questions:
1) Do you struggle building lasting friendships? The best counsel you can get is from the Holy Spirit and those around you who have the fruit of good friendship.
2) Is fear causing you to build walls around your heart for fear of experiencing pain? Let your Heavenly Father heal you so you can experience the life you were always meant to live.
May the Holy Spirit teach us how to build solid friendships that change ours and their lives for the glory of God.
Pastor Dale
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